Letting Go
by JustMe-Liz
Summary: Sequel to Another You. Seattle Grace is shaken by their loss. Derek has a hard time letting go. Implied Addek. One shot.


Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's and this wouldn't happen if I did!!

* * *

"How are you feeling?"

Mark looks at Derek worriedly and Derek shrugs, tugging on his tie absently.

"Like the love of my love has died."

"Derek…"

Derek yanks the tie off angrily, glaring at Mark teary eyed.

"Mark, I get that the polite thing is to act like everything's fine, like everything is okay. And I'm fine with that. I can do that. Just… not when I'm on my way to Addison's funeral, okay?"

"I get that."

"Thanks."

"Do you…"

"I need to be alone. Just… for a few minutes."

Mark nods before leaving and Derek sits down on the bed, sobs tearing out of his chest.

"Addie… I need you to come back to me and… Addie, I love you… I love you!"

"Derek?"

Derek jumps when he hears her voice, shaking his head and closing his eyes.

"You're not real. Stop it. Stop it, you're not real."

It wasn't the first time he'd imagined hearing her voice. It was starting to drive him crazy and…

"Derek."

He looks up, shock settling into his eyes.

"Addison?"  
She was standing there, right in front of him, looking more beautiful than ever.

"Is this… is it real?"

"It's complicated."

"You're not… staying, are you?"

"No."

He looks away, tears streaming over his face again.

"Why? Why are you here when you're just going to leave?"

"Derek, I can't… leave unless you let me go."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I'm stuck until you let me go. Until you get peace."

"Why?"

Addison sits down on the bed next to him, looking at him jadedly.

"Do I look like I have any answers, Der?"

"What if… What if I never move on? What if I never let you go? Will you stay forever then?"

"Derek, look at me! I'm not… this isn't normal, Derek. It shouldn't be like this."

"But then why is it? Maybe it's our destiny to still be together even after…"

"I'm dead, Derek! We can't be together, we can't… I can't eat. Or sleep. Or cut! I can't do anything I used to do, Derek. I'm here, but… I'm not. Everything is just…"

"A mess."

"Something like that."

He looks at her seriously, fresh tears forming in his eyes.

"I can't let you go, Addie. I don't know how. I just… I found you again just to lose you. It doesn't make sense!"

"It's life. It's not supposed to make sense."

Derek looks at her honestly, his heart lying open and exposed in his eyes.

"All this time… I survived because I knew you were out there somewhere and that… there was a slight chance that someday we might be together again. How am I supposed to survive now? How do I go on without you?"

"I don't know. I wish I had an answer for you, Der, but I don't."

He nods, staring out in front of him.

"I'm sorry."

"What for?"

"Holding you back."

"Derek?"

He looks up when Mark appears in the doorway, his eyes suspiciously red.

"Who are you talking to?"

"I…"

Derek glances at Addison – who is sitting right next to him – and back at Mark who is staring at him confusedly.

"Never mind."

"We need to get going, Der."

"Yeah…"

He glances at Addison again before joining Mark at the door. Addison doesn't move from the bed however and Derek frowns, looking at Mark. When he looks back at Addison however, she isn't there…

* * *

The church is full when Derek and Mark finally enter and Derek allows his eyes to wander over everyone.

Adele is weeping in Richard's arm quietly while he is holding her, tears streaming over his own face.

Izzie Stevens is sitting on her own, her face covered in her hands and her body shaking with sobs.

Cristina and Meredith are sitting together, looking grim.

Alex is sitting in a secluded corner, bent forward, his body trembling.

Callie is swaying backwards and forwards distraughtly, tears streaming over her face as she looks up and George can't do anything but hold her, slowly swaying with her. Forward. Backwards. Forward…

His eyes come to rest on Bailey and he jumps slightly.

He'd seen her upset before. He'd seen her crying before. But never like this. She's sitting alone, her arms folded around herself, silent tears streaming over her face.

"Addison didn't realise how much everyone loved her."

"No. I guess she didn't."

They move in next to Bailey and all Derek and Bailey can do is stare at each other in silent heartache.

It's a long time before Bailey finally speaks.

"She took the time to get to know me. She… was the first person… to… take the time… to really… get… to… know… me…"

She breaks down sobbing and Derek nods, wiping over his face.

"She… she was like that, wasn't she? She… never… faked it. She genuinely cared."

"She did."

A minister who never knew Addison appears out of nowhere and Derek can only watch his lips move as he talks and talks and talks. Not a word registering. Then he is standing up in front of the church, facing all of them. Before he can start speaking, he notices her, standing in the back of the church, looking dejected. And suddenly he knows what to say, folding the piece of paper into a tiny ball.

"Addison was… an amazing person and… I just wish she could know how greatly she'll be missed. How greatly she was loved. We went through some bad things and… we had rough times. But through it all… Addison stayed this amazing, caring woman… and…"

He stops for a few seconds, shaking her head.

"I'll never… forget her. Or stop loving her. It's just impossible. And there's nothing I wouldn't give to have her standing here next to me and tell me that everything's going to be fine. There's nothing I wouldn't sacrifice for having her here with me. But I guess… it doesn't work that way."

He takes a deep breath, tears streaming over his face.

"Today… I realised that… I have to let her go. I have to let… Addison go. And if Addie was here right now, I'd tell her… I'd tell her that I don't know if I'll ever move on. I don't know if it'll ever stop hurting. And I have no idea how I'm ever going to survive without her. She was my everything and I loved her with… my whole heart. Addison has… had such a great effect on my life and… if it wasn't for her I would have never known what it meant to love someone unconditionally…"

He breaks down, turning away from the staring faces, his shoulders shaking. When he turns back, none of the faces are staring at him anymore. Instead the eyes are filled with tears, staring down at the floor or up at the ceiling.

"I'm so grateful… for the years I've had you in my life, Addison. Knowing you has made me a better person and… I could never stop loving you. I'm so grateful for… every minute that we had shared together and I will never forget you. Goodbye, Addie. May you rest in peace."

She smiles at him – a warm, loving, genuine smile – before walking out the door and Derek looks up, the sunlight almost blinding him, when a realisation hits him.

It's not goodbye. Not forever anyway.

"May we be together again, someday, Addison. When it is time."

* * *

A/N: This might have been a bit supernatural for some of you, which is why I included the part where Mark didn't see her. Why didn't Mark see her? Because this was all happening in Derek's head? Or because he'd already accepted her death? You get to decide that for yourself!


End file.
